12:30 am VEGAS, BABY, VEGAS!!
I meet J and we have the following interaction
Me: You're not really wearing that are you?
J: Wearing what?
Me: The man purse. You actually gonna wear that or are you just screwin with me?
J: It's where I keep all my things. I get a lot of compliments on this. Plus it's not a purse, it's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.
Me: So does Joy Behar.
Anyway, here is the reason we are here. I may have forgotten to mention that during my trip Jason has been wearing me down via email about how much of a sure bet the Bucs under for season total of wins will be. It is sitting at 7 and that means they need to win at least 7 games to push (you don’t lose) and actually go 8-8 for us to lose the bet. Since last season, which ended with a four game losing streak implosion, here is what has happened:
1. Highly successful Super Bowl winning coach Jon Gruden fired and replaced by a thirty year old with zero experience
2. Arguably the best defensive coordinator of last decade Monte Kiffin leaves to coach at Univ. of Tennessee with his son.
3. GM Bruce Allen fired and replaced by a thirty year old with zero experience (see a trend)
4. Future Hall of famer Derrick Brooks and quiet leader Warrick Dunn are released
5. Decent veteran starting QB Jeff Garcia fired, to be replaced by Byron Leftwich and a cast of other bad QBs including rookie Josh Freeman who couldn’t even win in college
6. Solid players Cato June, Joey Galloway and Ike Hilliard also released
7. Schedule is brutal including just about every division winner from the year before.
With all of this in mind I have agreed to bet $5000. WOW!! I know, I would never do something like that if we weren’t positive on winning. So from NYC I am flying to Vegas to make the bet. I ING’d a check to J and he has way to much on his person.
1:00 am J decides to gamble. Me, I am willing to gamble $5000 on the Bucs, but nothing at the tables. Besides, my high roller friend keeps the drinks coming so why risk it. J goes up early!!
2:00 am J is up. We are having a great time. We are the tables next to the Pussy Cat Dolls, so life is good.
3:00 am J is now on a downward spiral which ends with a comped meal. Gotta love Vegas. Thank you sir for losing hundreds of your hard earned dollars, but please allow us to give you a “free” meal. In J’s defense his ridiculously nice hotel rooms have been comped since like ‘06.
4:00 am Luckily I slept the entire flight, because it is LATE at night and am now sitting opposite of J scarfing down more food than I have ever seen him eat. He had a lot of red bull and vodkas and has been up since 6am east coast time. So between his meal and his dessert, he passes out at the table. So I quietly eat his entire banana split. It was so unbelievably good.
1:00 pm After sleeping in forever, we now bounce from casino to casino to find the best deal for our bet. Plus we have to split up our bets since most casinos won’t let you bet more than $2000 on one wager. I think they figure you might know something if you are willing to gamble that much. They are correct.
4:00 pm Now on a plane back to Tampa. My tour of the homeland is complete. It was amazing.
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